I took my daughter to Madagascar II tonight. It was a great movie. For the first time, I finally let myself "be in the moment" and enjoyed the movie. I probably only let my mind wander about "him" a couple of times (few seconds each time...as compared to an entire movie in the past). My Q. was working late. He is in the I.T./I.S. field, and he had to do something with the network. This means he may not get home until late. So, I decided to head to the movies. Before Q. left tonight to head back to work, we had great communication and all had hugs & kisses. I found myself feeling guilty for going without him, but I knew I had to begin to branch out and not wait for his "kibble" every weekend. I usually do not make any plans hoping that I will somehow fit into his life. This has led me to become quite isolated at times. I think the guilt came from the fact that normally...he would call me as he way driving home from work at 3:00ish and mention that he would be either: a) stopping off to have "a drink" with his friend (also an alcoholic) or b) meeting his friend at a bar for "a drink". Then he would show up around 7:00 to 8:00ish drunk and tired. This is the current trend. I know that the tide will change soon as the holidays approach. Usually...this means friends from out of town will return. More bar and late night evenings....I'm really trying to NOT obsess about him. I did very well today. Got a haircut, actually got dressed up just to drop off daughter at Preschool. Went shopping, etc...basically, I kept myself busy. While I was at Whole Foods shopping, I noticed I was trying to be friendly and could tell I must have had more confidence...because many were responding slightly more positive than usual. Ok...I know that sounds like a Codie thing to say...but it just felt like a pretty good day. Minus the guilt from enjoying the movie while he was working. All a part of the process I guess.
